Funeral in the tunnels of my mind


I’ve found myself in a funeral. A funeral for my life. A funeral of the past and future. Each of their respective caskets at their respective places. 
Covered in black silk with an honours emblem to each of them, a white rose gently placed beneath it to emphasize each part thereof. 

Beautiful.

Really.

No.

The funeral for my past was okay, not too many tears were shed. Nothing but grief filled the void I’ve created. 

The funeral for my present was a bit dodge. They even had candles to symbolise life and life in abundance for that matter. However, where is the life if it’s being sucked out of you on a constant. 

Well lastly. The funeral for my future was grey. It was bland and it had people tugged tight in rags. They want to escape but they can’t. They know what they’ve done. The inescapable lies sitting around the table. Awkward. This is a place of immense silence and just more and more lies. 

So the question left. Why have the funerals when they’re meant to be a celebration of life in the first place?

​LISTEN& SILENT are spelled with the same letters

Silence is golden they say yet the very same silence becomes a danger, a torture method, a way to unleash your insanity you never knew even existed.

When silence is broken there is liberation, justice served, it unveils the perpetrator and frees the victim. It allows you to take back your life.

We know all wounds aren’t visible, but we need to learn to be in tune, notice when something has changed- enthusiasm, drama, silence, isolation. Anything. Open your eyes- look at these physical differences as well- whether it be your friend, family member, co-worker, colleague, boss or even your neighbour. 

Why can’t we listen to the cry of SILENCE? Oh because we’re all deaf. Deaf because we are to caught up with our lives, we can’t hear the HELP ME! coming from our son who found out that his nether ends does strange things when he’s around a girl, that our daughter is having a hard time coping at school- this boy keeps staring at her, following her, victimises her. What about your neighbour who doesn’t fit her label “nosy parker”- have you seen her tear stained face, have you noticed her hair isn’t pulled back. No YOU CAN’T SEE this either.

BE SILENT AND LISTEN WITH BOTH YOUR EYES AND EARS. It’ll help and comfort your SON, your DAUGHTER and your NEIGHBOUR

Please wake up mommy

He woke up this morning with his mom lying next to him holding him tightly. He’s only 6 years old. She’s not breathing! Where’s my dad? He hurt her last night… Why is mommy not moving. Mommy wake up

Its okay he’s not here right now we can run away.

Mommy why aren’t you moving come on we have to go, our bag is still under the bed with the money, we can go.

Come on now!!

Mommy you’re not breathing. Wait maybe my asthma pump will help. Okay, 1- 2 breathe!!

Mommy before he comes. Please you’re bleeding we need to get you up. 

Why is your face so cold? Why is your eyes still open? Why are you holding me so tightly?

Mommy are you okay? Answer me!!!

Please

Did he do it? Did daddy do this to you? Can you please say something. 

I remember you told me you loved me last night but you aren’t showing me that you do.

Mommy you are still asleep aren’t you?

Wait for me…

I’ll get someone to help you wake up.

Please wake up I promise I’ll listen to you from now on when you tell me to hide. I’ll listen when you tell me nows not the time. This is all my fault. I didn’t want him to hurt you again and now you can’t speak, you’re not moving. Its all my fault.

Mommy I can’t face him alone. Please help me, help you, help us. Please.

Dear rebels: No box can keep us bound

This is for the rebels and those who never could truly fit in what the system expects from us and says that we should do. These lines are for the Wild Ones.

Society makes us believe that something within us isn’t right when we are too different. Are we damaged? Should we be repaired or even cured?

When you decided to break the rules and step out of every comfort zone and possible shelters, people started to ask you questions. When you made the decisions to forget the mainstream guidelines, your be-careful and you-should-think-twice entourage began to worry.

When you declared that big changes were about to happen in your life, but ones you couldn’t disclose yet, your friends, your family and even your enemies started to wonder.

So, you got scared precisely because you were seeing that they couldn’t understand your choices.

But you’re alright. Trust these letters.

They do not worry for you because you’re a mistake or because you’ve taken a wrong path. You aren’t, they aren’t either. People are different, and that is all. You can’t blame them. You can only love, and let go if you really don’t feel aligned.

They worry because they could never jump that far.

They worry for you because you exhale freedom, love, colors, surrender and joy. Because they know that only true warriors shine that bright, they worry for you because they can imagine your — our — fights.

They wonder because they have what you don’t, and because you have what they can’t grasp. They worry for you because they can see all that you’ve taken away from the box of your life, in order to walk in freedom.

They are curious about your journey because you live in your truth. And seeing the truth is scary, it aches, it even screams sometimes. And their own truth could hurt them just as it did damage to you not that long ago.

They worry when they hear about your stories because you’ve managed to find enough strength to walk a life based on your beliefs. What they see in you is the reflection of what they can’t be.

How brave you are! Trust these lines.

You’re on the way to yourself, and we can all see that. You’re walking towards your own unique beauty, your authentic golden self, and that gold knows no price.

You — we — have chosen the winding roads of the seekers. You’ve said No so many times to all the things that didn’t feel aligned with your heart.

You’ve decided that your happiness mattered more than any title or status. Your joy was more important than any outfit, you deserved more than what seemed sparkling but lacked flavor at heart.

Yes, you’re scary. You’re even incredible, see what you’ve achieved.~

Lizelle Lewis​https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1883807428518894&id=100006689652332

A man who loves you wouldn’t leave you when times get tough

You got sick a couple of times at home, puking your guts out. You haven’t told him as you know he is not ready.

It might just be the last thread which is keeping you together. So you fall to the ground praying and coming to the realization you have two options- either have it ripped from you or lose the love of your life.

The following day you off to the pharmacy getting a pregnancy test- TWO LINES (oh shizz you’re screwed). You run to your GP tears streaking your face and the test falls out of your bag. She understands. Blood tests are then agreed to and actioned.

Evening falls, drenched you come into your home contemplating, completely zoned out, NOT READY, SCARED, AFRAID of his reaction. You walk right pass him no hello, no eye contact, no physical contact. NOTHING.

He peers into the bedroom bathroom and finds you in the shower with water pouring over you, “I’m pregnant baby” – excuse me? “I have all the symptoms, I’ve done the tests, every outcome is positive.”

“SHIT!” he’s pacing, you’re crying. What will come of this? He says nothing. You get up, wrapping your arms around yourself, concerned that he might back away. He stops dead in his tracks makes eye contact at last and raises his hand on you. A hand print right across your face. “How could you let this happen,” he asks “So this is how it is?”

He runs off into the night, no calls for the next couple of days. Desperate to know his whereabouts you head for his mom’s place. She doesn’t know where he is but her wisdom seeps through. SHE KNOWS.

She hugs you holding you tightly, while your tears once again escape your eyes. She knows the pain as the same happened to her when she had fallen pregnant with the very man who had left you, her son. “Together,” she says “we will raise your son or daughter, he or she will have the support of two strong women” and too begins to cry.

Confessions

I miss feeling safe. I miss feeling secure. I have no idea what to do. I’m trapped in a confined room with glinting spikes clothed with poison and they’re just taking giant lunges  with each minute that passes by.

My head rings with your words if “you’re a disgrace of a daughter,” it is flooded out with the evil smirk you have and your non- chalant answers of “I’m just closing the window,” “no your light was flickering,” even when it’s underneath a pillow.

Where do you find the guys to lie in this manner with a kiss as a plaster. My love, you first need to examine the damaged caused prior to placing a plaster on the wound you’ve created.

You have no respect! What about my mom in the next room whom YOU HAVE VOWED to LOVE and to cherish TILL DEATH DO YOU PART. A solemn vow, a pledge of your FAITHFULNESS.

This is a love you need to shield and protect. It should never be abused and should never be exposed to the elements of the ordinary, as there is nothing ordinary nor common to it. 

It is a tarnished love you’ve created. One I do not approve of. One that cannot grow beautiful nor precious as you were meant to be my first partner. A person whom I was meant to look to as a guide for my future husband. 

It is wrong. This is a disgrace.

A song singing to my soul right now

ALESSIA CARA
“Scars To Your Beautiful”

She just wants to be beautiful
She goes unnoticed, she knows no limits,
She craves attention, she praises an image,
She prays to be sculpted by the sculptor
Oh she don’t see the light that’s shining
Deeper than the eyes can find it
Maybe we have made her blind
So she tries to cover up her pain, and cut her woes away
‘Cause covergirls don’t cry after their face is made

But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

She has dreams to be an envy, so she’s starving
You know, “Covergirls eat nothing.”
She says, “Beauty is pain and there’s beauty in everything.”
“What’s a little bit of hunger?”
“I could go a little while longer,” she fades away
She don’t see her perfect, she don’t understand she’s worth it
Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface
Ah oh, ah ah oh,
So to all the girls that’s hurting
Let me be your mirror, help you see a little bit clearer
The light that shines within

There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

No better you than the you that you are
(no better you than the you that you are)
No better life than the life we’re living
(no better life than the life we’re living)
No better time for your shine, you’re a star
(no better time for your shine, you’re a star)
Oh, you’re beautiful, oh, you’re beautiful

There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
And you don’t have to change a thing
The world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful